Redeemed

This is one of my husband's favorite songs.  And when you listen to the words you can see why.  As followers of Christ we are redeemed people. No matter what has happened in our past, the moment we surrender and allow Him into our hearts and lives, we break the chains and regrets of the past.  The Lord forgets our sins, when we confess with our mouth and believe with our heart, He is faithful and just to forgive us.  That is the message of this song.

My husband has an amazing redemption story that I hope some day he will share, but in the meantime I will stand back and watch in awe as God continues to shape and mold my husband into His likeness, into the man God created him to be!

I have always loved this song, but yesterday my husband did something that I never thought he would do but there again when God is moving mountains in our hearts, He is changing us and getting us to do things we have never done before.

So back to my story.....we have been painting our house in chunks lately to get it ready to put on the market and sell and build (we hope) again!  Anyway....we were finishing up our kitchen and getting things but back into place when this song came on.  My husband came up to me and wrapped his arms around me.  He whispered "it's my song, honey". I answered "yes it is", the next words out of his mouth were "dance with me".  So right there in the middle of our kitchen/dining room we started to dance, we didn't dance to the whole song because it was a little weird because seriously I think the last time we danced was one night after good scan results several years ago. And then before that was probably our wedding or someone else's wedding.  Who knows. It's just not something we do but sure wish we would more often.

Then today, he sends me a text letting me know that the night he wanted to whisk me away for an overnight stay in a hotel wasn't gonna work because he had just gotten off the phone with the hotel and they were booked.

Goodness.....he has surprised me two different times in just 24 hours.  That is all God.  My husband is trying different things, being a different husband and honestly being a different man.  I have spent a lot of time praying for a change in our marriage and in each other for a good two years now.  Almost 6 months ago God answered that prayer, never in the way I dreamed He would, but still answered prayer.

God is good, He is faithful and He is just.  My ways are not His ways and my thoughts are not His thoughts.  So I need to hold tight to God's promises even when I don't understand why some things happen the way they do.  I will never see the big picture but God always does and His ways and timing are always perfect so I must not question it.

So anyway....click on the link and listen to this song by Big Daddy Weave! I hope it speaks to your heart like it speaks to mine and my husband's!

Until next time,

Cathi

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vSyLqbP8Z4I

Lent 2017

Today is the first day of Lent!  It has been a while since I have given something up for Lent so this year I decided that I would give up Facebook (the hope is permanently)!  Maybe in the future I will create a new account but for now, the Lord is leading me in a different direction!

Today I am going to start reading (for the 4th time), the power of a praying wife!  I will be spending the next 30 days out of 40 during Lent, praying for my husband in specific areas!  I have found this book to be very helpful and very rewarding!  I have seen mighty changes in not only myself but my husband as well each time I read it!  I am looking forward to seeing what God does with this time and my marriage!

Life continues to have its ups and downs and I continue to battle the enemy every single day with his lies.  I know that ultimately Christ has won the war but satan will continue to try and win me over to his side every single moment of every single day!  I am learning to take my thoughts captive, rebuke satan and focus on the positive instead of the negative!

Some days are better than others but I won't give up!  I am a fierce fighter and I don't stand down when I want something bad enough!  I fight for it!

So starting today and every day (and everyday that I have in the past).....I am gonna fight for my life, fight for my husband, fight for my marriage and fight for my kids!  I will take up the Armour of God and fight the enemy with God by my side!

I hope that each of you will give up something or perhaps start something during this season of Lent! My husband decided that instead of giving up something he was going to do something every day.....exercise (we will see how well that works)!  I need to get back into that as well!  But right now my focus is on other things.  

These are going to my focal points the next 40 days:
1. my relationship with Christ
2. my relationship with my husband
3. my relationship with my children
In that order, Christ first, husband second, children last!  I am looking forward to seeing what changes happen over the next several weeks!

 Spring is almost here and that means, sunshine and warmer weather!  I am ready to leave the cold of winter behind and watch the newness of the season appear!  new life in the trees, flowers and grass!  Along with that, I am looking forward to a newness in my life and those around me!

I will try and blog more as well!  I really want to get back into this!  I have missed my blog!

So anyway....that is all I have for now!  Until next time....God speed!

Cathi

Regrets of the past, hope for the future!

Luke 9:62 says "Jesus replied, 'No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.'"

I have wrestled with this verse a lot lately.  I have been stuck in the past for several months now and even more so in the past couple of weeks.  The past can't be rewritten, nor can it be changed. It is done, over with and the only thing we can do is learn from those mistakes or regrets. I have many regrets and I have made many terrible mistakes.  But.....I also need to let them go and move forward, in hope for the future. A future that is secure and set apart by God. He knows every last detail of my life, nothing that has happened is a surprise to Him.  NOTHING that has happened didn't first go through His hands and His will.

So I must first learn to accept what has happened and no matter how bad it hurts, it is a part of God's will for me.  

Along with that, there is great hope for my future.  One that God will give me that is inline with His perfect will for my life.

I am not perfect and I never claimed to be.  I have done terrible things in my life, I have mistreated people closest to me.  I have used my words as weapons more often than I care to admit.  That alone makes me unworthy of Heaven.  But God doesn't see me that way.  I am a beautiful child of the One True King.  Through His sacrifice on the cross and my repentance, I am worthy of Heaven!  He has washed me white as snow.  

My adult life has been hard, I have endured cancer, not once but twice, I have had hardship in my marriage, my children have strayed from God.  But not once has He left me or forsaken me.  He has been there for me, holding me and catching every single tear that has fallen from my eyes.  He has seen me through every season, good and bad. 

As I continue to walk the road I am walking, He is leading me.  More often than not lately, I have been distant.  Wanting to do it all on my own and in my own timing.  It's not working and I need to let go, surrender it, leave it at the foot of the cross, every single moment of every single day. 

My husband said it best tonight when we prayed together before bed, "it is only because of You that we are lying here together in this bed."  Our story is filled with heartache, lots of heartache.  But we also know that only because of God and His grace and mercy, are we still together.  Learning to do life on His terms and not ours.  To love, honor and cherish each other like He does.  And when the final chapter of our story is written, we both want to hear "well done good and faithful servant"

How is your walk with Christ going?  What is He trying to teach you each day? Are you willing to surrender your will for His?  Are you willing to do life on His terms, or your own?  Seek first the kingdom of God!  He really is good all the time.  

In Christ's love,

Cathi

The year 2016....

It is almost 1:30 in the morning and I am sitting in bed listening to the sound of my husband's cpap machine whirl and his steady breathing as he quietly slumbers, I am thinking and reflecting on all that has happened this past year.

Today is the last day of the year and I am ready to put 2016 to bed and usher in a new year. A year that I hope and pray is filled with love, promises and beautiful things and memories galore!

2016 has been a shit storm year and one I pray will NEVER repeat itself.  I have been knocked down to my knees and am slowly climbing my way back up out of the pit I was thrown into just 16 short weeks ago. While I can't say what knocked me down, I can say that God hasn't left me nor forsaken me.  He has a reason for every storm I weather.  I know I will come out stronger and better, but I really wonder how much He thinks I can handle?!?!

One quote I really cling to is this:
              "Sometimes God breaks us to make us better"

My favorite scripture passage I cling to:
              "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:5-6

Learning to TRUST the Lord is hard for me. Learning to SURRENDER my will is hard as well.  I can trust and surrender but when things don't start moving and changing in my time frame, I pick it back up and try to do it all my own way and in my own time. BUT....my ways are not God's ways and my timing is not God's timing.  I must remember that His ways and His timing are PERFECT!!!!

So as I say goodbye to 2016, I am going to say goodbye (or give it my best shot each and everyday) to doing things my way.  I am going to (try) TRUST more and SURRENDER daily my own will.  I am going to take it one day at a time, wake up with a positive, can do attitude, and not let the past or the actions of others stop me from being the best me I can be each and every day!

While 2016 hasn't been the best year, it has had some good memories in it. My husband turned the BIG 4-0 this year!!  We celebrated with a party at our house with our family and closest friends!  We had quite a few fishing trips this past summer! My oldest child became a legal "drinker", I seriously can't be old enough to have a 21 year old, can I?!?! 😳  My girls and I had a weekend trip to the cities for a dance competition in February, it was once again memorable.  I will be sad when this season of life is over and my youngest is no longer in dance. I got to spend a weekend in April with my sister and two daughters at another dance competition. That was a trip to remember forever 😉!! Jason and I celebrated 18 years of marriage in October, And the best part of 2016?!?!  I read the ENTIRE Bible in one year (although at the time of this writing, I still have one day left to read but will get that accomplished after a few hours of sleep)!! I am looking forward to doing it again in 2017 and hopefully my family will join me in doing it as well!

My cancer is staying quiet and the study drug I am on is keeping things stable and giving me an excellent quality of life.  If only my sleeping would not be so elusive, but I blame the drug for that. I took up running in 2015 and continued it into 2016, I haven't ran since September but am going to pick it back up in the new year. I have lost about 44 pounds and I am almost to my weight when I got married, only about 8 more pounds to go. That is my goal for next year, lose the rest of the weight and tone up my body!

So as we say goodbye to another year and usher in a new year, may we all look to the ONE who can make all things new!! Jesus Christ!!!! He truly is the only way I can get thru some of the hard things I have been thru this year!  He is my sustainer and my redeemer! He is my everything!

May 2017 be a year of blessings for each and every one of you!

In Christ's love,

Cathi

Random babbling

This post is going to be so random and sometimes just a babble but I guess when I have something on my mind, I need to write!

When I was a teenager, I would journal.  Almost daily and if not daily it was usually several days in a row and then rest for a couple of days.  I found that writing helped me vent my feelings, I even continued to journal into adulthood, but it has been a LONG, LONG time since I have actually put a pen to paper and wrote what I was feeling and going through, so I guess this post will be just that, except in electronic form!

See when I was a teenager I suffered from depression.  Sometimes so severe, that I became suicidal and I cut myself, A LOT!  I was sent away to Charter Hospital in Sioux Falls when I was 16.  I spent a couple of months there learning to deal with my issues and how to better channel my feelings and frustrations.  Did I still slip and resort to old ways?  Heck yeah, it was a never ending battle between my heart and my mind.  I am not really sure when I stopped the suicidal thoughts, acts and cutting, but I did.  Am I proud of this fact?  No, not at all but it helps me to better understand myself as an adult. It also makes me realize how much I miss putting thoughts to paper and trying to sort out what is going on in my mind.

I have looked back at my old journals recently (yes, I know, it is strange that I still have them so many years later) and all I can say is WOW...was I ever messed up! ;) but it has helped me to remember where I was and where I am today and the difference in both.

Do I still suffer from depression?  You betcha!  Some days it is really hard to get out of that deep black hole you have allowed yourself to sink into.  And I can honestly say that over the last several months I have been dealing with some depression.  And because I am so anti pill popper these days, I refuse to ask for a "happy" pill.  I have told my doctor about my feelings and we are working on a solution, but really this is something that I have to work through, pills are not going to make my reality go away any time soon.

Life in this household is strange right now!  Are things good?  Not always but are they so bad that we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel to reach?  I don't think so, but it is just different!

A wonderful friend pointed out to me that right now I am in "uncharted" territory with my cancer!  Yes it is still there but it is silent and I have THE BEST quality of life right now than I have had in the past 5 1/2 years of this disease.  We don't know how to act, be spontaneous and love fully like before.  Don't get me wrong, we are still that way, just not to the degree that we did when we were in the throngs of cancer treatment, feeling like crap and just trying to live to see the next day together!  It is so different and I just don't think we know how to truly LIVE again without cancer being our constant reminder.

Last night as I laid in bed and watched TV, I had a little knock at my bedroom door and there was my son, crying and having a small breakdown.  He wanted me to pray with him.  Talk about hitting my heart right where I was at, Colby did just that and then some.  He crawled up into my bed and cried (hysterically at times).  I will not go into details about what was bothering him because that would be a violation of the mother/son bond that him and I have.  But what I found so fascinating is that he could share his heart and fears with ME and ask ME to pray with him and for him.  We talked about what was bothering him and I prayed right there with him in my lap (and yes he was in my lap even at 12).  We opened the bible and he picked a book he wanted to start reading with me.  And we read the first chapter and talked about it a little bit.  I also told him that anytime he was scared or having a crazy mind moment, that he could call on the name of Jesus and bind the evil one from filling his head with crap.  He was finally ready to go back to bed and go to sleep.  Jesus was there calming his fears and allowing ME to help in that moment.

So what is the reason behind this post?  Well I just realized that no matter what we have going on in our lives and what we may be feeling, there is SOMEONE who is there every single moment of every single day listening and caring and that SOMEONE is Jesus!  There are many, many reasons why I am still here today and last night was a reminder of just one of the many things that Jesus is still using me here on Earth for.  I am there to point my kids (and hopefully others) to HIM but also to help me in my walk with HIM as well!

Am I perfect?  NOT.AT.ALL!  I am a sinner saved by GRACE and I know the ONE who is and He LOVES me with an everlasting love that IS perfect!  One day this will all be over with for me and I will hear the words "well done, good and faithful servant, well done"!  

I want my kids to remember the good and the bad of my life and I want them to remember that GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME AND ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD!

And that is my random post for the day!  I told you I would be all over the place, but I feel so much better!  God is using me in mighty ways and while I don't know what tomorrow brings, I am thankful that HE already knows and so I will try and seek HIM even in the chaos and depression!

Cathi

10 years.....

10 years ago today my world was ROCKED by a simple phone call from my family doctor.

10 years ago life was clicking along, I was doing excellent in school and was looking forward to a full summer load to move graduation up, in 11 days we were gonna celebrate our youngest child's 1st birthday, and we were getting our house ready to put on the market and finally move out of our little house.  10 years ago life was finally starting to making sense and I was enjoying every bit of it.  I didn't have time for this.....

Breast cancer!

Has 10 years really passed?  Yes, in the blink of an eye! I wish I was still celebrating this milestone with being cancer free...but sadly I am not BUT I am still ALIVE and doing quite well under the circumstances.

That baby who turned 1 11 days after my biopsy came back positive for cancer (who didn't celebrate her 1st birthday on the day she turned 1 because I was in the hospital recovering from a bilateral mastectomy), turns 11 in just 11 days.

I can still remember what I was doing when Dr. Rector called to give me the biopsy results.  I still remember what it was like calling Jason to give him the news, and I remember what it was like having to call my parents and Jason's parents to let them know what was going on.  I still remember the raw, devastating emotions of that day and the days that followed.  My kids were so young.  Briana was only 9 1/2 (ironically the same age I was when my mom learned she had breast cancer), Mikayla was 4 1/2, Colby was just 2 and Keara was 11 days away from her 1st birthday!

Sometimes those raw, devastating emotions are still evident even 10 years later.  Especially today, always on this date.  Every year I walk through this date wondering what might have been, but I also remember and try to celebrate my life.  Because even though I still have cancer, I am still here fighting for my life every day.

Jason and I have spent a better part of our marriage dealing with cancer.  Married a short 6 1/2 years when cancer reared it's ugly head the first time and then just 11 years when it came back.  We will celebrate 17 years in October.  We have seen our fair share of hard times and somehow we have pulled through it all.  Sometimes even stronger than we were when it started.

My kids have spent a better part of their childhood dealing with cancer in their lives. They have watched the roller coaster of emotions with me.  The good times and the bad times.  The times when we weren't sure I was going to survive another round of chemo. My kids are resilient, troopers, if you will! I couldn't be more proud of all of them.  So I know that no matter what happens with me and this beast I fight against everyday, my kids will be okay and they will survive when I am gone, as will Jason, and that brings a bit of comfort to my soul.

Does that mean I want to go anywhere right now?  Heck NO!  But that is ultimately NOT up to me!  But I do know the ONE who holds my life in HIS hands each and every day!  The ONE who has seen me through every peak and every valley.  The ONE who has carried me when I was unable to stand, walk or even crawl because my soul was beaten down along with my body!  I am HIS and that alone gives me comfort beyond understanding!

So today, celebrate YOUR life with all the strength and gusto that you have!  Be thankful for good health, family and friends!

While I don't like the fact that I am battling stage 4 breast cancer each and every day and today has been emotional and hard for me.....I am beyond grateful that 5 1/2 years later I am still here and I am still FIGHTING!  My quality of life is wonderful!  I am still dealing with some not so pleasant side effects, but I AM ALIVE so I will deal with those nasties as best I can and in the way I feel is best for me!  Not ideal but doable!

So live each day to the fullest, love often and fully and be grateful for each and every day you are blessed with!  We only get to go around this earth once do it fully!

Thanks for being along for this huge ride!  Thanks for always being there praying me through the good and the bad!

I am grateful for all the LORD has blessed me with through the years!  Even cancer!  I will leave you with a look back over the years in a few pictures!

Eternally HIS,

Cathi

me and my kids right before all my hair fell out the first time around! June 2005

Bottelberghe hay ride gathering, shortly after I had finished up treatment the first time around! Sept 2005

Christmas 2009 shortly after we learned my cancer had returned

Colby's 7th birthday Jan. 24, 2010

Kay (my research nurse in Sioux City), my mom and I at my gathering at church in April 2012

Our family trip to Disney World in Feb 2010

My first Mother's Day after my cancer returned! May 2010

Jill Miller came and sang for Jason and I. We were celebrating our 13th wedding anniversary at the cancer center getting treatment Oct. 3, 2011

My core group of girlfriends at Briana's graduation party! May 2014 (I lived to see one of my kids graduate from high school)

Easter 2015

Colby's 12th birthday! Jan. 24, 2015

Reflections for 2014 and hopes for 2015

Hard to believe that today is the last day of the year!  SAY WHAT??????  Where in the world did 2014 go?

I always get a little melancholy this time of year and wish it would last forever!  Literally!  :)  it was so bad this year that on Christmas day, my camera battery was about dead so I made the kids stop opening gifts and wait to finish until my battery was fully charged....no lie!  They were of course great sports about it but it gave me the chance to make the experience last just a bit longer!

I LOVE Christmas but even more so since starting to have kids 19 years ago!  To watch the excitement in their eyes and the magic of the season!  Not magic like Santa magic, but in realizing what this day is TRULY all about!  I try to remind them what it is all about every single year!  I want them to know that it is not just about the presents, although that is a perk to it, but that our humble KING came as a baby so that one day we could spend eternity with Him.  His sole purpose was to wash away our sins by coming as a baby and then dying on that old rugged cross, so that we could all have eternal life!  Is there anything BETTER than that?  I don't think so!

December was a pretty busy month for us as a family!  Between choir concerts, basketball games, dance recitals and Christmas gatherings with family, it flew by in the blink of an eye!  The older I get the more life seems to just whiz by faster and faster!

So today has been a day of reflecting over the past year and what 2014 meant to me!  Even though the year started out pretty rough, can we say, sickness and chemo?!?!?!  YUCK!  It is ending pretty spectacular!!!  Jan and February were filled with basketball, dance competitions, and chemo.  Trying to be a mom while being sick with a cold/flu didn't go over very well!  I think it just made things worse for me!  By March, my body was TIRED!!!  Scans looked GOOD so we decided to take a break and decide what I wanted to do going forward!  By the end of that month God showed up and made HIS plans known to me BIG TIME!  In April I started the new protocol which was a less toxic version of chemo.  He was been faithful all this time and as of this writing I am still on that same protocol!  I have been off chemo for almost a year now, February 25th (or there abouts) will mark 1 year of NO CHEMO!!!!  I have been able to enjoy many, many things in 2014.  A high school graduation AND a 2 week family vacation to the Western half of the United States!  Also moving our daughter to her new home in Watertown as probably another highlight of 2014.  I celebrated 5 years of stage 4 breast cancer on November 2nd, a HUGE milestone for anyone with a stage 4 cancer and I enjoyed this holiday season without feeling sick and tired!  God is good all the time, all the time God is good!

What are my hopes for 2015?????  Continued good scans while on my current protocol, another year of no chemo and just making memories with my family!  We have another jam packed winter of basketball and dance competitions and cheer leading.  It will also be a first full year in our house where we are a family of 5 under one roof instead of 6.  It has been an adjustment for us but one that I feel that we have all gotten a handle on quite well!  Including the girl who now lives on her own and pays her own bills while going to school as well!

I feel that 2015 is going to be a GREAT year!  And no matter what....with God at the center EVERYTHING is possible!

May each and everyone of you have a blessed New Year and may God richly bless you in 2015!!!!

Cathi

First day of school.....

The kids are off to start their first day of school!  I just can't believe that summer is over already!  :(  Yesterday we had our annual picnic at Falls Park!  This is the 3rd year of doing that!  We packed a lunch and headed to the park, where Jason met us to eat and talk!  It was a beautiful day to be eating outside!  Then we headed to Walmart to get lunch box "supplies", then home to chill for the rest of the day!  We are back into a routine of early bedtimes, prayers and early mornings again!  This year we will once again start each morning with Ephesians 6:10-18 and a short prayer for a good day at school and traveling mercies on the bus.  The kids put on their full armour of God so that they can stand against whatever may come their way during the day!  The house is quiet and it is gloomy outside, so I am not sure what I am going to do to occupy myself today.  Perhaps today will be a day where I just curl up with a book and read until the kids get home.  It is an early out today, so they will be home around 2pm this afternoon.  For now I am going to savor my solitude and reflect on my life!  Enjoy the pictures from yesterday and today!

Cathi

The kids were feeding this little guy pretzels!

Picnic Lunch with dad on the last day of summer vacation

Mikayla ~ First day of HIGH SCHOOL!!! 9th grade

Colby ~ First day of MIDDLE SCHOOL!!! 6th grade

Keara ~ First day of 5th grade! (last year of elementary school)

My 3 kiddos before school

Waiting for the bus!

Bye guys! Have a GREAT first day of school, love you!

1 week.......

I can't believe that I am even writing this post!  1 week from today my children will be back to school!  WAAAAAAAA......(ok so maybe there is a little bit of joy within that cry).

Where on earth did our summer go?  Between church camp, driver's ed, a 2 week vacation across the countryside, and swimming lessons, our summer has been far from slow!  It has flown by in the blink of an eye! 

So 1 week from today:

~ my kids will be getting up at 6:20AM every day to get ready and on the bus by 7:10am
~ my kids will be back to a bedtime routine
~ morning scripture/prayer for the day
~ I will be all alone during the day to a too quiet house

I love and hate this time of year....this time of school supply shopping, closet cleaning and new clothes, dentist appointments and school sports physicals.  Along with that comes fall sports, morning and bedtime routines and homework....OH THE DREADED HOMEWORK!!!!

So in 1 week, I will probably be doing a dance and weeping all at the same time. 

Our final weekend of summer is almost here....what are we going to do to celebrate our final weekend of summer vacation?

Well we are leaving on Friday (Jason's birthday) and heading to Watertown, SD!  We are staying at the Hampton Inn and spending time with Briana, celebrating Jason's birthday as a family!  We will stay until Saturday afternoon when she has to go to work and then we will head to Brookings and spend the night with Jason's parents, returning home Sunday sometime!  We are looking forward to a weekend away to relax and spend time together, the last time until the holidays probably!  We will all be busy with sports and school as will Briana, that she won't have a chance to make an improtu trip home like she did the other night!

Pray for us as we begin a new year, that we will transition smoothly and that I won't be too lonely during the day!  I really need to find some volunteer work to do to fill some time!  I will soon run out of projects to keep me busy!

This was last year's first day of school picture!  Hard to believe that this year there will only be 3 in the picture!  I hope that you all had a wonderful summer!  I just can't believe that summer is almost over!  1 week.....only 1 week left!  :(

Until next time,

Cathi

Today......

I know that I said my next post would highlight some of my favorite photos from vacation but I just can't decide which ones are my favorite because they are all my favorites! :) Anyway.....life is slowly returning to normal for us around here. We have been home a little over a week now and we are getting back into a normal sleep routine and everything else that has been out of whack from vacation! I have gotten all my pictures from my camera onto my computer and now comes the task of getting them developed and sorted. I have many ideas of what I am going to do with the pictures and sand from the beach from our vacation. So it is just getting it done, but that will have to wait until the kids go back to school!

In answer to my question from my last post about what 2 states we missed.....DRUM ROLL........West Virginia and New Hampshire we the two that we missed! Believe it or not, we found a Hawaii jeep in the parking lot at the Grand Canyon and Alaska somewhere in Nevada (and several more Alaska cars along our way home)!!!! The kids were sure that we wouldn't get Hawaii, but I told them to not be so sure of themselves! There was a whole bunch of whoop-whoop's going on in our vehicle when we found the Hawaii, I only wish I had taken a picture of it!!!!

So it is back to reality and back to life! Briana is all moved out and moved into her apartment in Watertown. She starts work at her new job tomorrow morning and school will start for her on the 21st of August. She is doing well on her own so far but lonely! Her roommate (and BEST FRIEND) isn't moving up for a couple more weeks so Briana has been on her own for almost a week now! It is strange around this house without her presence! I have been messaging her or calling her at least daily! My family of 6 is no more and it seems weird! We will always be a family of 6 but now it is just a different sort of 6. Once empty chair at dinner time, one less "goodnight mom" and one less random hug! That realization has hit me full force today and I am extremely sad about it! I am totally happy for this new chapter in her life but totally and completely miss her like crazy! I never in a million years would think that this would be so hard, but some days....YES IT IS!

Perhaps with scans looming around the corner next week, that has increased my emotions some! I hate scan time and the time leading up to and then the waiting! My trust is in the ONE above, I am a child of the ONE TRUE KING!!! But.....I want to control it all still! It's a daily thing for me....laying it all down and picking up my cross to carry! The Lord leads, sustains and loves me. That will get me through anything! Happy Wednesday! May the Lord bless you today and always!

Cathi


Here is the youtube video to Matthew West's song Hello my name is! I LOVE THIS SONG!