Time.....

It flies by so fast.....I can't believe that it has been almost 2 weeks since my last post on here. Life has been busy as usual but mainly with things of old. Work, activities and such. Jason and I had a very engaging conversation tonight, I really feel that God was in the midst of it. We haven't been going to church lately and the main reason is just sheer laziness on our part. I have also been trying to read my book for bible study but there are parts that get so convicting that I just shut the book and move onto something else. Tonight being such a time. I am on chapter 3, I got to the part where it said...."Be still and know that I am God". I shut the book and said, "Lord, I know that I should be still and listen to you, but my head is swimming with so much, and I am questioning you right now." Why do we go thru these periods in our lives? As many of you know, I have been out of contact with my baby sister for 3 years now, tonight I sent her another email again to try and rectify my actions (which BTW were not good and totally out of line) and I asked for forgiveness (again), I pray that the Lord will bring us back together again and help us to start over. I will not question the Lord anymore in this area, but instead leave it up to Him to heal(which for me is very hard to do again a control issue) . I miss my sister, and I know that the Lord has something up His sleeve for us, what I don't know, but I know that it will bring Him all the glory. So please pray for this area in my life and my sister's life as well.
I also know that the Lord has given me an answer to prayer in the area of homeschooling and again today I began questioning this process. I have NO DOUBT of my ability to homeschool my children, I know that I can do it, now I am questioning our financial area. I know and believe that the Lord will provide for ALL of our needs, when we have the faith to believe in Him and I guess that is where I am lacking. My faith in Him and His ability to provide for this family is lacking, how do I find my way back to that? When I first came to Christ, it was new and exciting and I was learning and leaning on Him for EVERYTHING and now it feels so stagnant like He is so distant and out of reach of me. I know that alot of that is because of me and my own way of being. So many of my old ways of being have been coming out more and more lately and I am not 100% sure why, I know a little bit of why but not 100%. I am questioning and wondering and asking God "why". He is not answering me right now, but in time I know that He will. I had a very engaging conversation with my mom last Saturday (she was back to spend some final time with a dying friend of hers). I have realized how hard life is sometimes when you don't have your own family so close to you, yes I have Jason's family close by and for that I am forever grateful but it is just not the same as your own. Sometimes you need that motherly support in your life, and for a brief moment she was that support I needed. Thank you mom for your ear and for your advice. I only wish that you lived closer for more of that. I see my relationship with Briana now as it was with me and my mom when I was a teenager, and I look forward to the day when Briana and I have that kind of relationship that my mom and I have now. I pray that it will come sooner for me and Briana than it did for my mom and I, but still pray for that day to come soon.
I try not to wear too much of my heart on my sleeve, but I also know that this is the best way to heal from pains that are hurting us. Thank you all for taking the time to read this post, please pray for me and the situations listed above! Have a good weekend!

Cathi