It's been awhile.....

I haven't journaled in over a month and tonight I find myself unable to shut my mind down....which seriously is NOTHING new but tonight especially can't shut it down. So it's time to put my thoughts to "paper"....

My life is going crazy...I have boxes everywhere, my kitchen is a mess and I have a new camper sitting in my back yard that in 24 short days will be our new home until November 1st (God willing). In just 10 days we close on our lot in town and we break ground 3 days after that. July 7th we will say goodbye to our home of 11 years (the longest we have ever owned a home), and go on this new adventure......happy, sad and every emotion inbetween. 😳😢😂😱

Ready or not...this is happening.

So many thoughts running thru my head but I can't seem to get them to make sense. I journal all the time and I have no problem pouring my heart out.....but here....well here I keep very private thoughts just that....private.  My hopes, my fears, my struggles and even how to let go of certain things. This is certainly NOT the place to air my "dirty laundry".  So I stay pretty general about what's going on. I keep it real but not to the point where I broadcast what's going on.

My husband and I never did things the easy or right way.  We had a baby before we were married, and actually we didn't get married until she was 3 years old, we bought a house a month before we got married, we sold that place while I was still going thru cancer treatment and moved into a 3 bedroom apartment while we built our house. Now we sell this place before we really had a place lined up because we really wanted to be in the country....but nothing was coming up so.....we came up with our "5 year plan". We only have 5 years left until our last child graduates and then we can move anywhere we want without being landlocked to Garretson.  So in 5 years we will be making our way back to the country life, with chickens and cats and dogs. City life will be good and I am actually starting to get excited about it and so are our kids.

So many twists and turns in our lives the last couple of years. Some of which have left some noticeable scars, others have given us perspective.  But the one thing all of us in this family are learning is grace and mercy.  Jesus came in flesh, bore our sins and died a horrible death.  He did that for me, for my husband, my kids, my extended family and for all mankind. He did it because He loves us all so very much.  He gave grace and He gave mercy, now I am learning how to give that same thing to those around me. Grace, mercy and forgiveness. Some days it is so hard to remember my own sinful nature when I start to focus on the wrongs done to me. I have done my own share of wrongs to others and I need to focus on my own sins instead of the sins of others. This is a hard one for me and really for anyone in this life. We all at times seek revenge. But we are not suppose to....God has the final say and He will see that justice is served.

I have so much to be thankful for every single day.  I have the most amazing and caring husband (he really is a diamond in the rough, he's certainly not perfect and has done his fair share of not so cool things but hey that's what Grace is for), I have 4 beautiful and uniquely talented children, each with their own personalities and gifts.  I have some great friends, my family and in-laws. My cancer is staying quiet so I can enjoy this beautiful life with my family. Raising my kids and getting older with my husband. I look forward to grandbabies in the future. I pray that God will continue to answer my prayers, never thought I would still be here 7 1/2 years after a stage 4 diagnosis...but I never underestimate the power of the Great Physican.

So come along with me on this "adventure"....it's gonna be interesting, crazy and mind blowing, I can guarantee that!!  My next post in the coming days will be pictures of our "new home" for the next several months.

Sweet dreams friends, my mind is clear to go to sleep now.

In His service,

Cathi