Going through the motions......

I am all over the place today. But I am comforted knowing that it is out of my control. God is in control. While our prayers were not answered in the way that we wanted them answered God has not left my side and He won't either. I am leaning on Him to get me through this. It is now time to reseach, read and pray that He will heal me again. It was hard to tell my kids. Colby cried. I think his biggest fear is having to go back to school. Not to mention he thinks I am going to die. I assurded him that I wasn't going anywhere and that I was going to fight this again with everything I have in me. I also told him that no matter what he wasn't going back to school. Without my children here to help me through each day I don't know what my state of mind would be during the day. No matter what, they are going to stay home still, I am going to continue to homeschool them and if on somedays they don't get school in until that night when their dad gets home then that is the way it will be. There is a chemo clinical trial from the Mayo that they are hoping to get me on. But that will mean chemo indefinately, not sure that I am ready for that. I have to read the pamphlet over and do more research on the chemo drugs and the side affects. I am not ready for my hair to be gone permently. Bonus, the cancer center now gives out FREE wigs, ummm......tried the wig thing the first time around and didn't care for it but do know it was useful to wear for church or social events. For now it is one day at a time.......each moment......I need to cherish it all. Sometimes I have forgotten how precious life is and how fast it can change. Cherish every moment, love like there is no tomorrow and don't go to bed angry. Keep me and my family in your prayers. As I know more, I will update here and facebook. Don't be surprised if I set up a new website just for this sort of thing. Anyway.....that is all for now. I love you all!

Cathi