Results not in yet....

My biopsy results are not back yet. So we wait until Monday. But as the nurse told me tonight, we don't want to rush them, we want them to be thorough as they look over the sample. So anyway....I know many of you have been watching and waiting but I don't have any more news for you. I had an awesome birthday, with some much needed rest in the afternoon. I was surrounded by my husband and kids and pampered much of the day. Both of my brothers called me, so that was nice to talk to them and touch base with them. So we wait and we keep praying and leave it all in God's hands. It has been one long stressful week and I am glad that it is about over and I can concentrate on hanging with my family and forgetting all about this until Monday! Life as "normal" for a couple of days! :) Love you guys!

Cathi

All done....now we wait.....

The biopsy went very well yesterday, they were able to take from my sternum even though there was talk of biopsing my liver or lung, as there were abnormalities on my liver that showed up on the CAT scan. I had an AWESOME radiologist yesterday who came and talked to us yesterday and said that the lesion my liver was very small and that he would be better able to get to my sternum and take tissue from there. All in all, I think the procedure took about 1/2 hour, then it was off to recovery for 2 hours. Yesterday morning was a very hard morning on both Jason and I. Was dry heaving before our school day even started. I talked with a friend over the phone and she helped to put my mind at ease somewhat. The children got to hang out with friends of the family all day. Dr. Yousef was able to get a piece of tissue under my sternum and the bone shavings to send off for a path report. Yes, they went through my sternum bone. Thank goodness for good drugs. I was awake but felt nothing. I was a total basketcase the whole morning until talking to Dr. Yousef. When he left the room after talking to me, Jason and Char (Jason's mom) about what he was going to do. I felt the greatest sense of peace overcome me. God was there, He had totally answered our prayers. Mine and Jason's prayer was that the Dr. would be able to biopsy the sternum and not anything else. We are still holding onto a mircle that the biopsy will come back negative. Those results will be back in 24-48 hours. So hopefully by tomorrow we will know something. My friend Anita, stopped this morning with pink roses for me for my birthday and to talk. She also stopped over because God told her to come and to pray over me and to place her hand over my sternum. That was truly amazing. As she prayed, I felt even more at peace that God was here and He is working in many lives right now including mine and my families. God is up to something and He is up to something BIG! Her and I both sense that, along with many other people. Even if the tests come back positive, I know that He is still up to something BIG! I am not giving up on my Him or my faith. This has been a hard hard week, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Today is a day of recovering. I have a bit of pain at the sight but other than that, I am doing okay. Many people have come along side of us during this journey and many, many people are praying for us right now. That helps tremendously! Thank you to everyone! Today is my 35th birthday! WOW!! 35! I wouldn't trade it for the world! Each day is a gift and I am realizing that more and more each day.

Thank you Lord Jesus for today! Thank you for the people who surround my family at this time. Lord, I don't know what You are up to but I know that it is something BIG! Please continue to guide each of us and continue to be our solid rock we walk on. Protect me, my family and those around us today and always! In Your Holy Precious name, Amen

Biopsy scheduled

My biopsy is scheduled for tomorrow (Wednesday) 1pm. Please continue to pray for us. Guidance for the doctor tomorrow during the procedure, minimal pain after the procedure, prayers for the test results to come back b9. It is okay to pray for that right now. Ready for this to be something other than cancer. I am okay if it is cancer but would rather it not be. Still having my good days and bad days. Just wanting this to be done and a clear, consise answer to what is going on. Keep praying! Thank you for loving us and surrounding us during this time.

Cathi

What Faith can do

Here is another song I want you all to listen to. This is one of my favorite bands. They sang this song at LifeLight in September. AMAZING!!! A friend emailed the words just the other day to bring me comfort. Please listen to the song and read the words, I hope it moves you like it does me. My hope and faith is in the One that heals! Open your heart to Him!



Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think its more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
When you don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can!

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

While I'm waiting....

This has always been one of my favorite songs since Fireproof the movie came out last year, but now it has more meaning to me as I go through this dark unknown time. No matter the circumstances of today, I am still to worship, serve and praise God. Each day for me gets better. I had an awesome weekend. Dear friends came over Saturday afternoon to hang out and work on the kids' AWANA Grand Prix cars. It was nice to be "normal" for awhile. It sure did take my mind off of things for the time being. Saturday night, my new dear friend Anita called me to talk as I have been on her mind a lot this past week and she has been praying for us. She invited us over to their place after church on Sunday. It was so nice to go and hang out with friends again and just not think about it. I am able to talk more and more about what is going on in my life without being overcome with tears. Friday was just an overall hard day. So many people have come alongside us. They have offered help, prayers, meals, rides, etc. It is amazing to watch the Body of Christ surround us during this time. We are still waiting on word from the oncologist's office about what the next step is. I am not sure when that will be, but for now, I am enjoying my family, homeschooling and living life to the fullest. Please keep praying. God is here in the midst, we are all coming to terms with this and we are completely at peace. We have a great God, who can and will heal me! He is the Great Physician and He is in control and He is in the business of miracles. Now that would be cool if He gave us a mircle, but if not, I am ready to fight, and fight with all I have in me! I have a husband to bug for many years yet and children to raise! I AM NOT going anywhere......YET!!!! :) Enjoy the video. I hope the song touches you as it has touched me, and even more so now in the midst of what we are going through. Our sermon at church yesterday was about "caring for each other" Galations 6:1-7. I think God was talking to me yesterday as our pastor was preaching. WOW!!! The hand of God is with me, every day! I am not letting go!!!!

Going through the motions......

I am all over the place today. But I am comforted knowing that it is out of my control. God is in control. While our prayers were not answered in the way that we wanted them answered God has not left my side and He won't either. I am leaning on Him to get me through this. It is now time to reseach, read and pray that He will heal me again. It was hard to tell my kids. Colby cried. I think his biggest fear is having to go back to school. Not to mention he thinks I am going to die. I assurded him that I wasn't going anywhere and that I was going to fight this again with everything I have in me. I also told him that no matter what he wasn't going back to school. Without my children here to help me through each day I don't know what my state of mind would be during the day. No matter what, they are going to stay home still, I am going to continue to homeschool them and if on somedays they don't get school in until that night when their dad gets home then that is the way it will be. There is a chemo clinical trial from the Mayo that they are hoping to get me on. But that will mean chemo indefinately, not sure that I am ready for that. I have to read the pamphlet over and do more research on the chemo drugs and the side affects. I am not ready for my hair to be gone permently. Bonus, the cancer center now gives out FREE wigs, ummm......tried the wig thing the first time around and didn't care for it but do know it was useful to wear for church or social events. For now it is one day at a time.......each moment......I need to cherish it all. Sometimes I have forgotten how precious life is and how fast it can change. Cherish every moment, love like there is no tomorrow and don't go to bed angry. Keep me and my family in your prayers. As I know more, I will update here and facebook. Don't be surprised if I set up a new website just for this sort of thing. Anyway.....that is all for now. I love you all!

Cathi

one more step down.....

My PET/CT scan went well yesterday. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I really didn't need the relaxant but it was able to relax me throughly and I napped a little bit during the scan. Although coming out of the drug fog was cruel. I was so out of it most of the afternoon. By the time we got home from church last night I was pretty tired. Watched some tv with Jason until 10 and then I went upstairs to go to bed. My mind was all over the place but was able to fall asleep. I only woke up once during the night and that was @ 2:30 and I was able to go right back to sleep. It was 10 after 7 before I woke this morning. Oops.....school starts at 7:55, so even though we go up a little late we were still able to start by 8, only 5 minutes late. The bonus to last night was that I took no over the counter meds for pain and I was still able to sleep and sleep fairly well. My mind is trying to keep the wrong thoughts out for today. The waiting is the hardest part of this whole process. It is hard to not go down that "cancer road", but I am keeping the faith. I have lots of people praying for me, so I think that helps tremendously! So many prayer warriors out there for me and praying that all is b9. I have faith that no matter what all will be well. I am a fighter, I can beat it again. The nice thing is, if it is cancer, it has been caught early again. There is always a bonus to early detection. But......I am not thinking about it being cancer. IT IS NOT CANCER!!!!!! God is preparing us for something.....tomorrow we will find out. I will post on here and on facebook as soon as I know anything. Keep the prayers coming my way....they are keeping me at peace! I love you!

Cathi

Great comfort....

Today is the day. The "big" day. Today I get to go and get lit up a like a Christmas Tree. I am not looking forward to this PET/CT scan today, but I know that this is the next step in getting to the bottom of the pain I am experiencing. I have had great comfort the last couple of days. Yesterday I went in spurts. I was good, then I was down and crying, then I was good again, then I was crying again. In the midst of it, God always stepped in at the right moment. My Christian mentor, Pat, called at just the right time yesterday in the middle of a meltdown as my children were down for some "rest time"! I was reading my bible, my devotional and praying when the tears overcame me. The phone rang and it was Pat. It was 7 minutes of pure comfort. She told me to remember back to the day that I accepted Christ. Remember what I saw and how I felt. She told me to remember that God never gives us more than we can handle. She reminded me that there was a reason for this, and to keep my focus on Him. When I hung up, I went back to room and laid down. I went back to that day in 2006 when I accepted Christ. I remembered what I saw and how I felt. I was overcome with peace. I could see Him standing there with His arms stretched out to me. He took me in His arms and I was comforted. I cried some more and all I kept hearing was "it will all be ok, I am here". I was talking to Jason about my day as he made dinner last night and I started to cry again. He said to me "ya know, it is okay to cry". That was helpful. I was talking my best friend yesterday afternoon and I was telling her, "all I keep asking is why me? why not someone else? I don't want this but not that I would wish this on anyone else either, but why me?" She response was "i understand that feeling, and I would say that also but I would also be saying "why not me?" So "why not me?", God has something up His sleeve with all of this. My children are closer, as are Jason and I. We have had some great bonding time together these last several months. As another friends reminded me....this could be Him preparing us for such a time as this. We will get throug this, we will survive no matter what the test shows. I am comforted knowing that God is in control and while I don't want to endure this again, I have such a strong faith, that He will again see me through this too, if I indeed have cancer again. Somethings I have been given by friends, have come across or read the last few days have helped me tremendously.

Daniel 10:19 says "and he said, "O man greatly beloved, fear not! Peace be to you; be strong, yes, be strong!"(NKJV)

Psalm 91:2 says "I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust." (NKJV)

John 14:27 says "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (NKJV)

There are many more, but for now that is all I have for you. I trust that the Lord will see me through this. I still have this above my computer "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it!!!". I had that above my computer when I was diagnosed the first time around. I have a stronger faith this time around and I know that no matter what He is my constant and He will never fail me or my family. I will leave you with this last thing.....this was in my morning devotional today....very appropriate!

"Our unknown future is secure in the hands of our all-knowing God"

Take refuge loved ones in the hands of the Almighty! I have, even in the midst of the storm!!! I love you all deeply!

Cathi

Heavy on my mind.....

It has been a long road the last week. Monday October 12th I went in for a bone scan to determine why I was having pain in my breastbone area. I have had the pain for some time now but it has been progressively getting worse. A call to the oncologist office warrented a bone scan. I saw him Monday afternoon, at that time my scans where not in yet, but my CA 27-29 tumor marker was elevated which raises a red flag. Wednesday morning, I got the results via phone.....there is a spot on my sternum. I saw the oncologist this afternoon to talk about the scan, next course of action and what might be going on. In short, he thinks that my cancer has returned, I am not going down that road until I get the final results. My tumor markers are elevated, there is a visable spot on my sternum and I am experiencing pain. I have a PET/CT scan scheduled for Wednesday afternoon @ 2pm. I will see the oncologist on Friday morning to get the results. Depending on what this scan shows, will determine the next course of action. If this scan shows a "hot spot" as they call it, they will have to do a CAT scan of just my chest area, there will also have to be a biospy done as well. While this is not really what I want to be dealing with at this time, a recurrence, I am praying and leaning on God during this time to see me through and that no matter the outcome, I will be okay and He will be a constant. I ask for prayers over the next several days, prayers for peace, prayers for clear test results, prayers that the pain I have is something other than my cancer rearing it's ugly head. I ask that we storm the gates of Heaven and that God will perform a miracle and there will be nothing on the PET scan. I have felt the best today that I have felt in a few weeks. I am nervous and partly scared of what might happen and what the outcome might be at the end of this week, but I do know that I am NOT alone, my Savior is by side, He is leading me, He is comforting me and He is guiding me during this long hard road. No matter the outcome of this, I will go to where He leads me, in faith, without holding back. I know that there is a bigger plan in store for me. What that is, I have no idea. So many things have fallen into place with our family over the last several months, that I just can't see this being cancer. Yes, I have had the pain for sometime and yes everything right now is elevated but I just won't believe it until I know that it truly has come back. Please be in prayer for me, my husband and for our children as we get to the bottom of what is going on. Thank you for always being there for me, I truly love you all!!!!

Cathi

RIP Prince: July 10, 2009-October 18, 2009

Only a couple of weeks old in this picture


Mikayla holding Prince


She was in love with her Prince (as you can tell from the picture)


He was a favorite with the girls that is for sure


Prince's permanent resting place


Briana found her beloved kitten Prince dead this afternoon, we think he had been dead for at least a day because of the stiffness of his body. We are not sure how he died, but he is gone nonetheless and we are devastated in this family. He was such an awesome kitten. A big ball of fur who made his way into my heart. Was always on our back deck and ready to make a beeline into the dining room for some warmth. I will cherish those memories as I know the children will also. He is buried behind the playhouse with a huge cross erected for the children to go and "visit". Mikayla and Briana cried during the burial and afterwards I went inside to wash my hands, I looked out the window above my kitchen sink and saw my precious Mikayla on her knees in prayer and tears. That was the breaking point for me, to see my child on her knees praying and crying over the cat, I started to cry. Many tears shed today, but we know that this is a part of life. The cycle of life, my children learned first hand today. What a hard day it has been for all of us today. Tomorrow will begin a new day!!!

Mini Vacation is over

We had an awesome time at Inspiration Hills this past weekend. It was nice to get away just us for a few days and just hang out together. The weather could have been a little bit nicer but that's okay it was still worth it. We stayed in a tiny cabin with running water. That was by far the best part of it. We stayed warm and had a bathroom to use in the middle of the night if we needed it. We will stay again but next time in the large cabin that sleeps 10. Ours slept 5 but we made it work for all of us! We came home yesterday and just had a good time relaxing and hanging out. Jason took today off and hung out at home. It was nice to just focus on schooling with the kids and he made lunch and dinner for us. We had a lovely anniversary together. My mother in law gave us this cool journal to record memories in. So I recorded our first memory for the book on October 3rd. It will be fun to go down memory lane when we are older and remember all the things that we did with each other and with our kids. I am posting some pics here in just a bit. We are glad to be home but not ready for reality again tomorrow. Oh well have to come back to it sometime soon. Have a great Monday!

Cathi